Like falling to the bottom of the Grand-Canyon: It can only go up from here!

Let's just lay it all out on the table: butter, bread, dessert....and the reality that I now have pet-peeves. It hasn't always been like this. When I was younger I actually wished I had some pet-peeves. I guess I just wanted to fit in with everyone who was disturbed by stuff...so I would have something to talk about. But there just wasn't much that bothered me. Carefree. Cheerful. Easy-going. A regular koala bear was I. Minus the eucalyptus intake. I have since "turned over a new leaf" and found several bugs underneath it. So then I tried an older leaf. And here's what I found. There are things that really do bother me; burdens on a weary soul. And I'm a bad-news-first kind of person. So this first blog (Congratulations Craig!) needs to start in a rut so that we can embark on an upward journey hereafter. And you need to be aware of the evils I have seen in this world. Heed my warning. Let us begin.



Pet-Peeve 1 - Melodramatic Reality Television: The proverbial snake in the toilet of our culture. I am not opposed to all forms of reality television but there is a genre within the realm that deserves our utmost un-attention. If you are 2 years old and you have not yet learned to share your belongings or approach others in a cordial manner or live a life in pursuit of selflessness and maturity your guardians will have a certain amount of understanding and offer you grace mixed with discipline. If you are 20 years old and still haven't learned those things you will inevitably end up as a star on a reality television show (ie The Hills, Real World, ER (just kidding). And you will set an example to the students that I minister to. And I will despise you and wish you ill...or rather that your mental and emotional age will catch up with your physical age and you will start on a journey to become a contributing member for the betterment of society. Or I will just change the channel before I throw up. So here's my challenge to you, Oh-Melodramatic-Reality-Television-Flaky-Scantily Clad-Stars; postpone whatever cataclysm you are about to assist in instigating on MTV or VH1 and ask yourself these questions: 1) What am I doing with my life? 2) Who might I be influencing? 3) Do I need professional counseling? and 4) Will I miss being featured regularly on E!'s "The Soup?"

Pet-Peeve 2 - Incompetent Drivers
I am one of the 10 residents of the state of Georgia who drives correctly. This is most definitely a toot of my own horn. I am an excellent driver. I'm not saying I've never made a mistake, but in my 10 years of being behind the wheel I have accumulated a total car-accident count of...zero. That's right...zero. Traffic signs praise my approach and subsequent departure. Vehicles long for the comfort of my careful touch and concern for their well-being. Pedestrians take pride in my aptitude for not-running-them-over. My parents taught me well. While riding with my Dad as a youth I learned early on what styles of driving would not meet appropriate, qualified-driving standards based on the labels my father would give those who could not meet the requirements. I will not repeat those "identifiers" here for sake of a family-friendly blog but I will tell you that I have great respect for the man who brought me into this world and I proudly abide in his ways. He's not a stickler though. He really enjoys NASCAR; that is, when professional drivers are paid to be aggressive and cruise along at excessive speeds and cut in front of people without signaling. 90% of people I encounter while driving in this region think that they are one of those afformentioned "professionals." They are not.

Illustration - If you did not want to go to prison for the rest of your life you would opt out of choosing to commit murder. "No thanks. I'll just hate people. But I don't need to kill anyone." or "Murder doesn't sound like a good idea." There you go; no life sentence. Real-life application - If you don't want a ticket, slow your butt down and obey traffic regulations. I hear it from new, youthful drivers often, "Police are just out to get us. The poe-poe. We don't like cops. They're always up in our business." This may be true in "some" cases. But if you were standing in my yard, kicking my dog repeatedly I would do something about it. If you are a bad driver and you pose a potential threat to humanity, something should be done about you. For shame. And God forbid you make a left-hand turn and cross into my lane as I approach the adjacent stop-sign! It's my lane you fart! If you aren't allowed to go south on a north-bound highway, why do you think you're allowed to cut that corner and swerve into my lane. I bet that's how you live your life! Impatient. SWING WIDE!....sweet chariot.

Also. Arrows in the Wal-Mart parking lot serve a purpose. If I catch you approaching me in a one-direction parking aisle (which should be obvious based on the direction all the cars are parked) I will smile a really big, sarcastic smile at you and my brain will automatically lump you into the category right below monkeys on my Apparent-Intelligence chart.

But it's really not too big a deal. I love all people. But some need to invest in public transportation. Thank you :)

Pet-Peeve 3 - Conversations that go like this:

Person 1 - "Hey, how are you?!"
Person 2 - "Great! How are you?!"
Person 1 - "Awesome! How about you?!"

Pet-Peeve 4 - When your pet peeves on your carpet and you have to rub his face in it so that he will learn to stop peeving everywhere or else he'll have to find a job so he can afford to purchase the Resolve needed to clean up after himself so that you can go to driving school and become an informed, well-adjusted operator of a motor-vehicle. Because if you don't I'll send my pet over to your house to peeve on your lawn.